06/01/2021

we've learnt to step on the floorboards

in a way so that they don't creak

but so you can clearly see our footprints in

the layer of dust covering them.

---

06/09/2021

one day, there is a hand on the back of your

neck. a hand cupping your cheek gently.

hands all over your body, your soul. then

there are rain clouds. and then theres rain.

thunder, even. but it passes as fast as it

comes. so don't worry, my lover, i will be with

you.

---

06/01/2021

we've learnt to step on the floorboards

in a way so that they don't creak

but so you can clearly see our footprints in

the layer of dust covering them.

---

05/31/2021

and soon the world will heal

but you will not

you will remain chained to the bottom of the ocean

by your sorrow and your past

by your rage, your rage that fills you till your

fingertips and far beyond,

it seeps out of you and onto the ground

and it keeps pouring and pouring

where does all this anger come from?

---

05/16/2021

You don't know if you should call him your son

he's no boy anymore

but you lie next to him

he's fast asleep

and you're thinking

your knuckles white

there's blood on your hands

---

05/14/2021

I can hear the neighbours dogs,

barking in the distance

they are so loud.

I am tired, i am tired

i can’t stand the piercing noise

of life

and laughter.

I wish to be buried somewhere quiet,

so my soul can rest eternally,

and cherish the solace, forever.

---

05/14/2021

I look down

at my feet

what is that aching

somewhere near my left rib?

Sweat, dripping down my forehead,

is this what it feels like?

To be aware?

---

05/12/2021

I love my husband,

even when he yells,

when he tells me

i'm worthless,

and when he touches me

and tells me

he loves me

I couldn't imagine

loving anyone but him.

---

05/12/2021

And the boy asked me one night

If i could be his mom.

mom.

But i knew i couldn’t

ever replace her.

That’s not what she would’ve wanted.

For i am nowhere near being

a real woman.

---

05/12/2021

I stood before him,

my shirt tossed to the side, somewhere

Why do i feel like a boy again?

I stay silent, for i am his wife,

am i not?

It’s not his fault, i say.

I want to believe it isn’t.

So i lie beneath him, not even

looking in his eyes.

And he tells me he loves me,

to the moon and back,

i can’t help, but smile.

And i love you, too.

---

05/07/2021

i lie silent, next to you

gripping on to a knife

waiting

my mind racing with thoughts

oh, everything seems so blurry.

i wished things were different

i wish we never were

---

05/05/2021

i despised how you looked at me

with galaxies in your eyes

god, i hated how you

held my hand

so tenderly

i wouldn't understand

i couldn't understand

---

05/05/2021

you made me wear that dress

made me feel like myself

words couldn't describe

how happy i was

to call myself your wife

---

05/05/2021

and i'd sleep soundly

knowing i'm

the one that made you cry

the one that made you yearn

for a better lover

---

05/05/2021

and if i

bared my teeth to you

how would that

make you feel

make you feel

i’d sit

naked

before you

making you wonder

was it ever you

that i loved?